This week marks the premiere of a show our generation has been waiting for: a cooking show—a parable of new domesticity—to which we can actually relate. Someone our age. Someone who loves matcha and funfetti. Someone Jewish and Chinese. Someone as versed in Bach as she is in raising chickens, as comfortable slaying the percussion in a national opera as she is delivering a homemade lunchable to her fifth-generation Norwegian-American farmer husband’s tractor. Someone who makes cookie salad and vegan hotdish, gosh darn it.

America, you’re in for a treat—this Sunday at 11am, Molly Yeh’s new Food Network show Girl Meets Farm hits the airwaves.

In all fairness, I must disclose my own bias. Over the past three years, Molly and I became close friends, instantly bonded over our mutual love of Levantine cuisine, living close to the land, and our own distinct brands of Jewishness—hers Chinese midwestern, mine a mutant hippie Hawaiian varietal. I swear by Molly’s challah recipe. She insists on calling me Brieyoncé (to her Chee-Z).

Together, Molly and I have traveled both the US and Europe in search of excellent food, extraordinary people, and the perfect pre-dinner mirror selfie (some of our finer work above, in Paris). We’ve gotten into Twitter battles about my love of charoset (a symbolic food eaten by Jews on Passover, meant to represent the mortar the slaves used to build bricks; morose, honeyed, delicious!). We’ve recorded numerous videos of us singing to Sia at the top of our lungs whilst driving through LA. And today, in anticipation of Girl Meets Farm’s premiere, I bring you an exclusive interview and recipe filled with the two food things Molly loves best: tahini and funfetti.

A quick note about these bars before we get to the conversation: The recipe is inspired by the  tart cherry, chocolate & hempseed no-bake oat bars from my friend Alanna Taylor-Tobin’s book Alternative Baker. This version is its fruit-free tahini causing, packed with pure chocolate goodness, toasted oats, sesame seeds, and walnuts, cacao nibs, maple syrup, and plenty of sea salt. I topped the bars with my favorite sprinkles of all (sorry, funfetti), a mix of dried rose petals, cacao nibs, sesame seeds, and sea salt. They’re perfect for some very on-brand Girl Meets Farm snacking on Sunday—and they don’t even require an oven.

Without further delay, onto our interview, and the funfetti I promised.

LD: I want you to pretend we’re doing this interview on top of a funfetti cake on the surface of Mars. Ok?

MY: Haha ok

By the way, my phone just autocorrected funfetti to infertility, so you can really get a sense of where my phone’s head is at. ANYWAY. How’d you get this cake to Mars?

I brought it in my CakeBox. Your phone sounds on brand.

Also, you’re the farming expert, so can you really grow Martian potatoes out of Matt Damon’s poop?

Sure, you just wouldn’t want to eat it. You can brag about it though and then start an artisanal celebrity fertilizer company. I imagine Gwyneth Paltrow’s would be the most sought after.

More urgently, does funfetti taste the same on Mars?

Would Matt Damon and his poop be there?

Since there’s only one third of the earth’s gravity on Mars, can you use less leavening agent in baking? How much less? Please be precise.

Yeah, those gases would be a lot more active when gravity is doing less to hold them down, but I kind of feel like the real problem would be making the batter stay put in the pan. I’m envisioning it floating around everywhere. When are humans going to Mars again? Has someone started working on a Mars-friendly baking setup? We should get on that.

Does Egg Boy want to go to Mars? Yes or no.

You mean like switch places with Matt Damon…?

Would you be open to having the next season of Girl Meets Farm on Mars?

No.

It’s Pride Month—yes, also on Mars. Is this cake suitable for a same-sex Martian wedding? 

Of course. WOW, how many genders do you think Martians come in???

Also WHY ARE WE SO SMALL AND/OR IS THIS A GIANT CAKE?

Oh cool it’s like Honey, I Shrunk The Kids when they find that pie in the yard and eat it by the handful. That’s the best food scene. Let’s do that. 

If Girl Meets Farm were broadcast into outer space, what would it teach aliens about our culture? Would they learn how to cook something?

It would teach them how much food varies between regions and cultures, and that “Earth Food” consists of so many wildly different and colorful flavors. (Isn’t it fun to think about how other planets must have different regions and cultures that vary as widely as Earth’s?) It’ll also teach them a bit about farm life. They’d learn to cook challah and hummus, potstickers and scallion pancakes, and hotdish and cookie salad… they’d see a lot of sprinkles. Oh gosh, I hope aliens can see color.

Thank you for coming to Mars with me on top of a funfetti cake, Molly. I hope to watch all future episodes of Girl Meets Farm in this exact state of wonder and sugariness.

Thanks, Lil!

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