She was sitting on the edge of the pool, waiting for her turn at swim lessons and was completely sausaged into her swimsuit. Her longer body stretching the length of the bathing suit so that the chest of it was too low and the straps looked stressed. Beautiful, tender, winter skin against that mustard yellow daisy print. Cleo waves at me, looking like such a… girl.

She turned six a few weeks ago and while we are dancing in the kitchen to the Encanto soundtrack and mixing up our “b’s” and “d’s” , our conversations are about friendships at school and what happens when you die. She is both little and big to me. Motherhood is a wild whiplash. Each one of those days, while the bathing suit became too small, felt like nothing, but is also the compilation of so many small moments. I’m having a bit of a time with my own insecurities and watching them find their way at school and with people. My kids growth, tangled up and digested through my own. It’s just like the moms before me said, the challenges never go away, they just change. I see this girl of mine growing, still needing me, but also moving towards my role as support, instead of the lead. Yessss, I know she’s young, but I can see it. A small shift, the ones you can miss if you’re not paying attention.

January used to be a month of goals all organized on paper - less sugar and new tennis shoes to get moving but this one felt… observant. Curious. Asking what I want, and what my family needs, as opposed to the more/better mentality that a new year sells you. I want to take a few classes, read books to learn things - parts of history that didn’t stick through school, or Spanish so I can help my kids with homework without so much google translation. We need a vacation that feels different, exciting. I learned from our covid quarantine week that we need more time just playing and hanging, as opposed to schedules and sports and social plans that I naturally tend towards. That includes me, stopping, not wiping down counters when I can afford to sit and compose some legos, or bead for a bit instead. I can feel and see a different season with my kids and while I definitely prefer it to toddlerhood (preach!), it feels like things are moving quickly and I’ll have to stay connected to myself, to see these simple, magical moments with my family.

With that said, let me share this casserole that went over really well with my Sprouted Kitchen Cooking Club folks. It’s two pans and veggies that can be swapped and kid friendly because who doesn’t love orzo? I delivered one to a friend who said it stretched for two meals, so keep this in your back pocket for delivery.

Anyway. From my tender heart to yours this month, hope you are healthy and well and feeling hopeful about this next year. Cheers.